she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
