You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
