We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize