and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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