Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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