I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
