literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
