She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
