Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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