it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think I won the penis lottery.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
