i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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