I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize