1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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