i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
