do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
