i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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