I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
