If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
