Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
