Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
