In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
