..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize