Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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