You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
