The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
