I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is it because I queefed?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
