Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
