Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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