just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
