I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
