Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
