just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My hand turned me down
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
