my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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