Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
