I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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