i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
