New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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