He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
