Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
