Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
