Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize