Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
