hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
