what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize