New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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