I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
