The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
