Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
