big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
