woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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