I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
