You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
