Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
