I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
