this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
