Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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