GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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