So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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