I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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