He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he was CRYING into my vagina
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
