could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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