Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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