in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
