i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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