dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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