The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
