So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
