i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
