i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize