my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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