he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
