You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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