phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No subtext here. People are naked.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
