fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
