Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
