I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
