I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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