is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I want to fling myself into the sun
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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