Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
