Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
