I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
