tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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