she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
