I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize