well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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