remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
