i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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