im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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