3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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