I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
