Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
