We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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