I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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