tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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