How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
