Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
