I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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