just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
