all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
