I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize