In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
