Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
